Vive la france

ou la vision de la france par les americains...
Excellent... enfin c'est de l'humour avant tout

> At least the yanks are right about some things..
>
> The following advice for American travelers going to France was compiled
> from information provided by the US State Department, the CIA, the US
> Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Centers for
> Disease Control and some very expensive spy satellites that the French
> don't
> know about.
> It is intended as a guide for American travelers only.
>
> ** General Overview **
> France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of
> Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though
> not nearly
> as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain,
> Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular importance and with
> no decent shops. France is a very old country with many treasures, such as
> castles and Euro Disney. Among its contributions to western civilization
> are
> champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine.
>
> Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air
> conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible for Americans to
> get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors
> is that local people insist on speaking in French, though many will speak
> English if shouted at. Don't mention Waterloo, even if you are desperate.
>
> ** People **
> France has a population of 56 million people. 52 million of these
> drink and
> smoke (the other 4 million are small children). All French people drive
> like
> lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing
> patiently in a queue. The French people are in general gloomy'
> temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and undisciplined; those are their
> good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would
> hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are communists. Men
> sometimes have girls' names like Marie or Michel, and they kiss
> each other
> when they meet.
> American travelers are advised to travel in groups and wear baseball caps
> and colorful trousers for easier recognition.
>
> ** Safety **
> In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers must be aware
> that from time to time it is invaded by Germany. Traditionally, the French
> surrender immediately and, apart from a temporary shortage of
> Scotch whisky
> and the increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market
> prices, life for the American visitor generally goes on much as before.
> A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English channel has been
> opened in recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee
> to London during future German invasions and also to make it a lot easier
> to
> off-load illegal immigrants.
>
> ** History **
> France's historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Gerard
> Depardieu,
> Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for
> many years and is now an airport.
>
> ** Government **
> The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held
> more or less continuously and always result in a draw. The French love
> administration so for governmental purposes, the country is divided into
> regions, departments, districts, municipalities, towns, communes,
> villages,
> cafes, and telephone kiosks. Each of these has its own government and
> elections.
>
> Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower (though
> confusingly
> they are both on the ground floor), and whose members are either Gaullists
> or Communists, neither of whom should be trusted by the traveler.
> Parliament's principal occupation is setting off atomic bombs in the South
> Pacific and acting indignant and surprised when other countries complain.
> According to the most current American State Department intelligence, the
> President is now someone named Jacques. Further information is not
> available
> at this time.
>
> ** Culture **
> The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see
> why. All their music sounds the same and they have never made a movie that
> you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes.
>
> ** Cuisine **
> Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a
> slug with a shell on its back. Croissants on the other hand, are
> excellent,
> although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this, it's a lot
> easier if you hold your nose and cough up some phlegm whilst pronouncing
> (coys-ant).
>
> ** Economy **
> France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in
> Europe, which is surprising because the French hardly work at all. If they
> are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and
> blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal
> exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons,
> perfume, guided missiles, champagne, guns, grenade launchers, land mines,
> tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous Armaments and cheese.
>
> ** Public Holidays **
> France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. Among its 361
> national holidays are: 197 Saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days, 16
> Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in triumph as
> if he won the war single-handed Days, 18 Napoleon sent into Exile Days, 17
> Napoleon Called Back from Exile Days, 2 France is Great and the
> Rest of the
> World is Rubbish Days, 1 Lets Nuke Some Seals Day and the whole of August.
>
> ** Conclusion **
> France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and a
> temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if French
> people did not inhabit it. The best thing that can be said for France
> Is that it is not Germany.

analyse pas si loin de la realité, çà laisse songeur.. Bon par contre mettre les chateaux et euro dysney fric industry ds le meme panier, no comment...